Why Borderline and Brilliant??

Firstly, why the fuck shouldn't the page be named Borderline and Brilliant? Nothing about having BPD is shameful, unintelligent or any other derogatory term ignorant people may try to link it to.

Secondly, because they are two foundations of my identity. BPD is a huge part of who I am at my core. It’s driven what I’ve experienced and overcome. I am proud of my BPD for the same reason we have Gay Pride and affirmative action for minorities. Borderlines have been marginalized by professionals, misrepresentations and disgusting, sticky stigma. I stand proud and say I am Borderline.
 

 

I come from a different perspective to many in the BPD community in that I don’t see my BPD as something I need recovery from. I have learnt skills to manage my reactions, I continue to learn and understand the important of validating emotions and personally I am comfortable with the label.

Yes the DSM is largely behavioural descriptors and a lot of these destructive behaviours and patterns can be very successfully treated but BPD by definition is a lifelong condition. When we know better we do better but the foundations of BPD in me are permanent. Highly sensitive emotional temperament. The journey I have been on through each round of addiction/obsession is not something I want flushed away as over or ‘fixed.’

I am a product of my experiences and my lifelong struggle to learn, change, and accept. My emotions don’t have to be my enemy, now that can guide me intuitively as emotions as designed to do.

I embraced BPD with such relief that I was not bad; there is a name for this uniquely painful and misunderstood journey I’ve been on.

I’m not letting that go; the journey doesn’t end for me. It’s a journey of knowing myself more, now out of enjoyment and curiosity rather than a desperate attempt at survival.

I am proud of what I have survived. I am proud to have Borderline Personality Disorder. It’s the most complex condition to treat apparently, but with a compassion guided set of skills, it’s possible to build on each success we’ve needed to get through to survive BPD.

As for Brilliant, well that’s permanent too. Originally I added Brilliant because I am  very intelligent person and I wanted to say I am clever and I have skills and I'm Borderline.

But thinking about it more, I’m not brilliant because I have more skills. I’m not brilliant because I have BPD. I have always been brilliant. There is a light that shines in all of us. A unique light that I believe we give to the world by being ourselves.

Borderline and Thriving was the original page name but I felt uncomfortable because I have not always been thriving and I do not want to invalidate or undermine the Borderlines in their own personal war for survival. I will not risk a misconstrued idea that I am better than Borderlines who are in their darkest days. Survival is the ultimate win.

We all have something special and unique inside of us. Every single child is born precious and deserving love and acceptance. It’s especially important to be reminded of this truth for Borderline’s because there is so much judgment and ignorance around people who have BPD.

My worth has always been that of every other human being – my journey through BPD helped me peel back the shame that hid my light from the world. Well I hide no more!

We don’t need to hide. Borderlines didn’t ask for a genetically based heightened limbic system. WE didn’t ask for pain to last longer. Borderlines didn’t ask to be repeatedly invalidated. Borderlines didn’t ask to be the most maligned disorder in modern medicine.

 

I don’t need you to believe my pain is real anymore, because I know it is. I validate myself. Not perfectly, but consistently enough to not need constant external affirmations.

If an undereducated person tries to denigrate me or any other Borderline, the truth is that is reveals nothing about us and everything about them. They are trying belittling to try to sell the idea that they are superior. Utter bullshit. I hope those people eventually come to see the truth – we are all doing the best we can. We are all different but human beings are all intrinsically valuable.

I did not enjoy the pain, confusion and inferiority I experienced in the darker days of my experience. And there were a lot of bleak nights that seemed to have no dawn... But I accept them as part of my valuable history. And am grateful for what I have learnt and continue to learn.

I am the proud mother of four beautiful children. A drug addict. An amazing party planner. A bulimic. I’m in an amazingly beautiful, functional loving relationship. I have survived an addiction to suicidally. There is no shame in my history or the ways and means I kept myself alive, or that I still have to learn and relearn acceptance and forgiveness and to ask for help.

 

I don’t say recovering drug addict or bulimic because I don’t need to distance myself for those behaviours any more than my amazing party planning. I have done my best. I did what worked until I found a better way to do it, and finally the security I developed by being about to trust myself has allowed me to breathe. I can love and be loved.

Fucking win.

Oh and the lying thing… anyone still on the fence about BPD and lying, keep following along our page. Fundamental, almost compulsive, honesty is the way I give myself to the world. I let my light shine by being honest about my life and focused on the truth.

And the truth is that I am Borderline and Brilliant.

 

 

Oh and how lovely was the fairy garden party I conceptualized, planned and designed meticulously!!