One of the key characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder is problems with identity. The DSM describes it as ' identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. '
I describe this problem with identity as constantly looking outside of myself to determine who I am. If I am doing a lot of drugs, I'm an addict. If I have kids, I am a mother. For many those are simple labels describing our activities, for me they form the beginning and the end of how I see myself.
Inside there has long been a huge hole, waiting to be filled by an addiction, a man, a label; something to tell me who I am in the world.
So when I came across the Borderline label, and it fit like a glove (9 out of 9 diagnostic criteria), having Borderline Personality Disorder became my new identity. There were many benefits to this; I was not alone, my experiences were relatable, I could access a specific treatment for my condition.
But the downside is the associations that Borderline Personality Disorder carries with it. Manipulative. Evil. Broken.
The Wikipedia page on BPD includes speculation that Darth Vader meets 6 of the 9 criteria for Borderline, only requiring 5 for diagnosis. I'm sure Darth Vader had some abandonment issues, and I don't mean to invalidate his experiences but can we get a posterchild for BPD that is human??
There is a pressing need for us to redefine BPD, and not just because the label incorrectly implies that we lie on the edge between psychosis and neurosis. BPD is misunderstood at the very origins of how our society views pain.
The term 'attention seeking' is viewed with such distain that we seem to have forgetten that we all need attention. If I have fallen and broken my leg, I will need to yell, scream, wave a flag to get some attention. We need attention to get help.
Our society is so fearful and/or ignorant when it comes to mental and emotional pain that we have demeaned the very concept of someone needing attention when they are hurting. 'Oh, he's just doing it for attention.' Then give him some fucking attention!
If our pain we not so invalidated again and again we would not need so much attention but until that happens, yes I will scream from the rooftops when I am not coping because that is how I get help, that is how I stay alive.
I will explore this in the future but for now I leave you with an example of what I consider a Brilliant Borderline. Someone I am happy to align myself with. Someone who suffered and was honest about her suffering, which I consider inspirational; Princess Diana.
Princess Diana reminds me that it is possible to be Brilliant and Borderline. They are not mutually exclusive concepts, yet so often it feels they are.
Today my success is recognizing that having Borderline Personality Disorder does not limit me, only I do that.
Peace.
